The first day of victory of staying single and in a way or another this fresh break up is a wreck. Cause honestly, I am not allowing myself to even touch my phone. It's scary, very scary to even keep bumping into people who kinda look like him the whole freaking night in Tampines one.  Makes me want to run away.

I need to organise my wardrobe and put away all his pictures. Start looking up on my financial cause it's been on a messy state, This month's pay, I will get mom a gift. I hope she like it.

At the end of the day, I have nothing to lose. Cause I know what I want and I know what I need to do. I know my future is far so bright infront of me. It's just that Juli, being Juli she need to have a concrete reason to break up. Somehow, I guess I am blind, people told me that, now, I perhaps they are right.

In a way or another, this break up is good, It makes my head clearer. It makes me so relieve that I find peace and calm within myself.
i wouldn't deny the fact that I miss him and i feel hollow on the inside, but to see it again, I guess I am far better this way.

To all my friends who have been there religiously, to Naz and my brother. To everyone, whether you directly or indirectly see me through this, Thank you so much.

The sun is shining so bright today. It's like agreeing to me and it's so warm.
I love it.

Did I even tell you guys that I feel better now? I do. I feel better this way, after breaking up with hiim.
(:

It's not easy making people happy. Ouh, why do I have to make them even happy again?

 

 "Berlari la dan terus tertawa. Walau dunia tak seindah syurga."

Nidji is the shit, the way they connect with the audience are awesome.
The way this song is being written, makes me smile when I am trying to balance my balance sheet.
At the very least I am being positive during this ordeal. At the very least.

From my previous relationship, I learn that patience need to have it's limit.
Else, I will repeat the same mistake again.
I learn that anything done should be with a goal.
Else, I will be just wasting time and energy.
I learn that kindness should meet it's quota.
Else, people will take advantage of you.
I learn that kind words should be spoken more often.
Else, you will tend to stray away.
I learn that you should learn how to love yourself first.
Else, the person who will be unloved is you.

I learn alot and I am definitely, learning it now even in this very relationship.

Ouh, I am glad that you are happy. :)

I am happy in my own way. No thousand pictures to project my voice. Nothing like that to prove my happiness, albeit everything. I am silently saying my prayers.

The boy, ran over to Changi South to fetch me under my office just to meet me during his 2 hours break. That shall make up for the burnt sunday. <3

You know when you are angry, too angry then it became too long; the anger, that it turns out to sadness.
When sadness seeps in, you just cannot seem to find the remedy to it.

So what if you can buy the things that you want.
You cannot buy me and my time.

It gets worst. The boy is already panicking. =)
I couldn't even speak without frowning. I need to swallow my saliva slowly so as to not increase the pain that I already am in. I swear even right now, when I am breathing, I can feel my breathe grazing against my swollen throat and I have to wince hard whenever I sneeze and cough. If I were to go to the doctor again, which is what the boy is going to me make me do I am so sure that I will get alteast another 2 days of M.C. I don't want to be irresponsible by still going to work but I am worried that it will affect my Performance Indicater. I will need to call in my office after I went to the doctor. I will have to.

As a matter of fact I don't even know if I should meet the boy cause I don't want to infect him also cause he pre-warn me as not to fall sick today (As if I can choose when to fall sick and when not to).

I didn't even know if I can make it to Ayu's sister wedding with this condition.

Okay dah. My brain doesn't want to functio, it's throbbing. Fill you guys in soon when this brain want to work.

I woke up at 530AM in the morning, just to discover that I have difficulties in doing something as easy as swallowing my saliva. It hurts so bad that I was tearing. Then my head start to throb. I tried calling the boy to wake him up and he didn't answer.

Ever since the boy change his job to this new one. I have been rotting at home. I have been sleeping for like the least is 9 hours and it can go up to 12 hours. I need to wake up only at 7am. Can you imagine how early I slept? My room have been in a mess. So messy that I do not even know where to start cleaning it up at. My laundry bag is full. I havn't been doing anything for my room ever since. It has been 2 weeks already that he change to this new job.

To start with I meet the boy only on Sundays. It's not like the full sunday but just a few hours. It's better than not meeting at all, yes I presume.
It's not helping that I am so pessismistic about everything that is happening. =(

The boy called yesterday morning.
"Awak busy ke?"
I replied, "No, but I am making myself busy. Why?"
"Ouh no, I miss you uh."
I hit back, "Okay. Me too."
"Wait, why are you not saying the word?"
I smiled, "Ya, I miss you too. I want to act cool ma this time round."
"Ya right!"

That conversation makes me light hearted the whole day.

I am on M.C today. My throat really hurt. I think I am not over this fever-headache-flu kinda cycle. It keep coming back over and over again. Today closing. I know, sick still work I rather work cause the boredom and irritation in my head is already pissing me off and it's not even the first part of the day yet.

When I read my entry, I find it so jumbled up. Like random thinkings being typed out randomly. -_-

To all.
I am sorry I have been such a bad friend.
I mean it.
Especially to poutinglips.
I love you so much.
To my one and only Aji.
You are closer to me than anything elses.
I heart you.
<3
I miss you mom.

I learn how to control my hunger.
I learn how to smile and control my anger.
I learn that we can never really live if what we intend to do is to please all the human/creatures on the surface of this earth.
I learn how to love myself before proceeding to love others.
I learn that the day that I turn one year older each year is such a blessful day even if it means a simple affair.

I am 22 years old today. Amazing, I am still breathing and flowing well along with the waves of uncertainties.
I am unsure of today's plan.
I had a hair cut today. dragging my brother along.
I had a manicure and pedicure express.
I know. It's amazing cause it's Juli having a manicure and pedi?
Then the lovely brother just sat beside me looking at the manicurist mending my finger nails. =)
Thank you brother you are ouh so sweet.

Ouh guess what. I smudge two of my fingers nails already,
One is while opening a shampoo bottle and the other is, I swear I cannot remember.
I showed my brother and he shrugged and say, "Lucky it's your birthday and you are my sister. If not I leave you here walking home alone with the helmet in your hand."
Idiot. =)

 

I just got busted.

I am glad that you are moving on.

After like 6 months, after half a year I finally met up with Ayu and Alif. A decent meet up I must say. Had dinner over at Tong Seng with the boy too. Then the boy sincerely drove the 3 of us to Elias Mall and before anything I told him the truth. About the whole purpose of being at Elias Mall and just as I thought, he was okay with it. I was too excited of wanting to catch things up that we sat and gossiped for like 2 and half hours non-stop. Just the both of us. =)
I miss those times. I really miss just hanging out just you and me and just talk about anything under the stary sky. Things are different now, schedules are reshuffled and our times just doesn't fall in place anymore. It's different now and at times when I stare just into thin air out of exhaustion It makes me sad. From the bottom of my heart I appreciate the time and the memories embedded and locked inside my head. Then again one thing stays. I am still the same old me.

When I looked at you from my seat angle. I feel that I am looking at a different person. Not the old you. I look at a much more mellowed person. I looked at someone who will not get mad even at the slightest thing. I look at someone who will want to do alot of thousand other things just to make the person he love happy. I look at someone who will love his other half so dearly and love her with all his heart that the word break up will break his heart undeniably. Please eat up. You, yes you.

I had a great time with the lovely girls today. Over at Sakura. The peak about these people is. I'd laugh when I meet them and it goes on till the end of the date. <3